I think it's time to retire this blog

....mostly because it's about PC and it's over and I live in America now --

BUT...I did start a new one -- I don't know how often I'll update it, BUT check it out --

www.justagirlandadognamedmeeko.blogspot.com

I don't know what it was about today...

...but today was the first day that I felt like I was back back from Kazakhstan -- I know in "real life" I've been back for about 4 months, but I felt like I was somewhere in a twilight...not in Kaz, not quite in America.

I also found myself thinking about Kazakhstan a lot today and about my time there -- I wish I could say that it was all bliss and wonderfully great and that I would do it all over again -- I've been telling people that I would do it over again if I relived my life (I don't think I would do it over again at 26, but at 23...well, perhaps...?), I think I've been lying. Earlier today I thought maybe I got more than I gave (maybe that's still true), but I can't think of one thing I got from Kazakhstan. Maybe I'm still bitter...

Then I thought maybe you get out of Peace Corps what you put into it -- maybe that's true -- maybe I didn't put in a very good effort -- today I was looking at photos of kids from the local orphanage in my town and felt like I had failed them -- like maybe I could have done more for them and I didn't -- I still feel that way most of the time, there's always something more I could have been doing and wasn't or could have improved on (after all in everything there's always room for improvement).

It certainly didn't feel like two years when it was all over -- sometimes I still can't believe that I was in Peace Corps for two years -- sometimes I don't talk about Peace Corps because I feel like I failed at it --

My changed friendships is the only way I know I was there -- two years apart from friends is long enough to drop a friend -- I feel dropped. I wish that in place of that I could say that I gained more friends in Peace Corps and I thought that was true, but we all live very different lives and maybe it's not as true as I thought it would be in my head...I had higher expectations than what reality can actually be...I get it -- I just hate tough realizations --

I feel pretty accomplished most days -- in 4 months I got a car, a job and an apartment, celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, hung out in Michigan, moved to Minnesota, hung out with my family, loved my family better <-- all these are good things -- I could have done ALL of these things while not missing out on two years life in America. I don't know if Peace Corps was worth it -- maybe someday I'll see it's significance, but apparently not today.

**I do think that Peace Corps is a good organization doing good things in countries around the world. I think many Volunteers are doing world changing things - I just wasn't one of them :/

Moving on...

Minnesota tomorrow -- look out Minneapolis...HERE.I.COME!

some things never change

I've been home for less than a week --

I'm enjoying hanging out with my friends, speaking English and eating lots of deliciousness (and also sharing "Kyert" with my friends -- they don't like that part)

It doesn't feel like I've been gone for 2 years, I've managed to pick up where I left off and because everything is the same I haven't had to adjust to any kind of big changes --

However, I have changed --

I like this town enough to visit -- but I need to move on --

See you later, Alligator

Bye Kaz --

You were good to me, but it's time for me to get a move on.

My flight to Thailand leaves tomorrow! I'm super stoked. I'll hang out there for 2 weeks and then head back to America...

Countdowns ON...all bets off --

It's been a while since I've been able to blog --

The countdowns have begun:
Days til I leave site: 17
Days til I COS: 21
Days til Thailand: 24
Days til America: 36

I'm excited to get back to America, but incredibly sad to leave -- bittersweet.

For those of you who thought I would NEVER last in the Peace Corps: "SUCK IT"

Coming back as a poor, homeless, jobless, carless woman doesn't sound all that exciting. But I know that everything will be okay -- actually, I don't, but my Aunt seems sure of it...so I'm gonna take her word for it :)

Now, if I had just placed bets with all those people who were certain I was going to fail...I wouldn't be coming home poor -- oh, well, I guess proving someone wrong is kind of like getting a big fat paycheck...kinda...

Ice, Ice, Baby --

I wish it would snow more. I’m SO over ice! It’s SO warm in the day and rains...then overnight freezes! Bleh. This makes walking difficult. I try to pretend I’m cool...mostly I fail. I slip, I slide and sometimes I even fall all over the place. I try REALLY hard NOT to fall. If I feel myself slipping I just stop and wait to stop...it’s kind of like if your driving a car :)

One day I wasn’t so lucky. There are 6 steps leading up to my apartment building. I was leaving my complex and heading to work confidently, per usual. I step out onto the steps and immediately am on the ground, then before I know it, I’m hitting EVERY SINGLE step. Kind of like sledding only not as fun because clearly I didn’t mean to be sledding. There were a few people sitting on a nearby bench. Great. I get up quickly and pretend that is exactly how I get down the steps every day. I’m sure they are not fooled. I hate when a day starts like that...I managed.

Two days later I decide that I’m going to make brownies...yea, brownies...I have everything I need for brownies...oh, except eggs...well, that’s okay the store is located directly across the street from me. I’ll just run over there quick and pick some up. Riiiiiight. This ALMOST worked. I put on a coat and grabbed some cash then ran to the store quick. The cashier was concerned that I didn’t bring anything to carry the eggs home safely in...ha. like I needed something to carry them home safely in...I live across the street. She put them in a plastic bag and I was on my way. Just as I was crossing the street to go home, I loose my footing completely and before I knew it I was on the ground. My eggs were all cracked. Defeated, I rose and continued walking home. I was NOT going to return to the store...I got home, took the shells out of the bag of cracked eggs as best I could and saved the eggs for scrambled eggs in the morning. Made brownies the following day...everyone wins...minus the part where I fell :(

Winter’s *almost* over...